Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
