I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
