69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
