somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
