how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
