break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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