Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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