I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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