Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
