Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
