Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
