We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
