Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
