Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you would pick up someone in the library
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
