You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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