HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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