Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
