I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
