My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
be right there i have to get my cape
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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