White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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