but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
