this beer tastes like vomit already
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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