He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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