I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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