Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
