So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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