i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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