I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
