Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Me too!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
