Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
