What a fucking waste of an outfit
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
