I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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