the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Quick, to the slutcave!
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
