you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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