Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
