I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize
