I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
