You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
