The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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