Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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