Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
