you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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