i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
