Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
you are never too drunk for berry picking
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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