theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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