I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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