Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
