turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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