my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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