How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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