I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
