That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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